Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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