Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel great
I just peed on a car
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Randomize
