i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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