everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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