New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
