dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
