Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
