i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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