Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
