You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
