I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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