As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
