sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
