If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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