I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
