he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
