today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
