Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
