I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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