yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
