I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
