They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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