I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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