Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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