I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
