wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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