well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want to fling myself into the sun
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
