His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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