I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wear drunk well.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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