There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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