On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
