I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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