I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He passed out mid-signature
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
