she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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