are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
