Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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