do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That was before I lit my hair on fire
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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