next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
