shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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