Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
