Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told grandpa to call you daddy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
