I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
