i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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