Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
