I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
