I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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