omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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