I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
