sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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