Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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