you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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