Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
