it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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