I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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